Humorous Quotations and Sayings About Reading And Books

Speed Reading Quotations

Over the years, I’ve collected various quotes from books I’ve read that I found amusing.

Here are some of my favorite humorous sayings and quotes about reading and books.


I hope you enjoy reading them and they make you smile.




Favorite Quotations

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend.
Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

— Groucho Marx


I can read a book twice as fast as anybody else.

First I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whichever end I like best.

— Gracie Allen

Cluttered desk

The covers of this book are too far apart.

— Ambrose Bierce

open book

If we didn’t have libraries, many people thirsty for knowledge would dehydrate.

— Megan Jo Tetrick, age 12


No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.

— Author Unknown

book on shelf

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

— Kin Hubbard

book deposit

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them.  The only books I have in my library are books that other folks have leant me.

— Anatole France

two book shelves

I was reading a book, “the history of glue”; I couldn’t put it down.

— Tim Vine


Life happened because I turned the pages.

— Alberto Manguel

reading in park

There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

— Flannery O’Connor

teacher with kids

I just got out of the hospital.  I was in a speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark.

— Steven Wright


Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away.

— Clarence Darrow

handful of money

Never judge a book by its movie.

— J.W. Eagan

Regal theatre

There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

— Bertrand Russell

kid reading on the floor

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

— Tom Clancy


A book store is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

— Jerry Seinfield

bookstore with shelves

Books are the blessed chloroform of the mind.

— Robert Chambers

man reading

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

— Raymond Chandler

hollywood sign

I cringe when critics say I’m a master of the popular novel.  What’s an unpopular novel?

— Irwin Shaw


If you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it.

— John Cuthbert Moore-Brabazon

hand with pen

A book may be compared to your neighbor; if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.

— Henry Brooke


Seventy million books in America’s libraries, but the one you want to read is always out.

— Tom Masson

person in library

Books had instant replay long before televised sports.

— Bern Williams

football players

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.

— Robert Byrne

pencil with eraser

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

— Dorothy Parker


A wonderful thing about a book, in contrast to a computer screen, is that you can take it to bed with you.

— Daniel J. Boorstin


One always tends to over praise a long bookbecause one has got through it.

— E. M. Forster

winning race

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

— P.J. O’Rourke

Spirit Incorporated

I have only read one book in my life and that is White Fang.
It’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another.

— Nancy Mitford

white fang wolf

The things I want to know are in books;
my best friend is the man who’ll get me a book I ain’t read.

— Abraham Lincoln

book pages

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

— Groucho Marx

TV remote control

A wicked book is the wickeder because it cannot repent.

— English Proverb


I am not a speed reader. I am a speed understander.

— Isaac Asimov

brain energy

Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint.

— Mark Twain


Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.

— William Westmoreland


If you can read this, thank a teacher.

– Anonymous Teacher

book with apple

After a youth misspent fishing and playing basketball,
I found reading.

– Nick LyonesSmall child with basketball

These quotations were collected by Kathleen Hawkins.

To be a better, faster reader
Learn powerful speed reading strategies.



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Leave A Reply (8 comments So Far)

  1. Jennifer
    6 years ago

    Love all those quotations. In particular, I think Mark Twain has some very memorable quotes.

  2. Mark King
    6 years ago

    Thanks for putting that collection of quotes together. Got a good laugh from some of them.

    I’ll have to remember a few when I do my next presentation.

  3. Kathleen Hawkins
    6 years ago

    Hi, Jennifer and Mark. I’m so glad that you like the quotes about reading. I had a great time collecting them. Thanks for commenting!

  4. Dr. Z
    3 years ago

    The next time I pick up a book, I’ll practice Gracie Allen’s speed reading technique: “I can read a book twice as fast as anybody else.
    First I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whichever end I like best.”

    These are are nice collection of quotations to make me smile as I read my next book.

  5. Petra
    3 years ago

    I love these quotes. I was a teacher and would have loved to have pasted these quotes all around the room to inspire the kids in a fun way.

  6. Paula
    1 year ago

    Fun quotes. I loved them. Thanks for making me smile.

  7. jameela
    1 year ago

    These quotations are not only funny but they are very interesting to read. I am 13 yaers old and I am the teenager in the world, at least that is what i think of myself, that loves to read mostly fiction, also non-fiction books. I enjoy reading sincing after i read these quotes.

  8. Molly
    1 year ago

    So great – loved the first one!
    One of my favourites is “How will you get everything read with only one life?” with a picture of a kitty. It also makes me sad though knowing I will not be able to read everything I want to!